How parents can respond to teenagers’ ‘therapy speak’

Some parents are finding themselves unsure how to respond when their teenagers use terms associated with therapy, such as “triggering” or “boundaries”. Mental health professionals have told the BBC that listening to what a young person is trying to express can be more useful than arguing over the words.

Carla Hoskins, from Hertfordshire, said her sons, aged 15 and 18, sometimes tell her she is “triggering” them when she asks them to revise or do chores. She said her eldest sons also sometimes accuse her of gaslighting, particularly when she asks about friends or schoolwork.

Shannon Salvatoriello, from New Jersey, told the BBC that similar language from her sons, aged 14 and 17, had left her confused. They had sometimes said she was not respecting their boundaries. She said that when she gives them space, they sometimes come back later and share things with her.

London psychotherapist Julia Samuel said listening was the best tool for bridging the divide. She suggested reflecting back what a teenager has said in ordinary emotional language, and choosing the time for a conversation carefully. Parents might also talk about a comparable experience of their own, she said, so the discussion does not feel like finger-pointing.

New York psychiatrist Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell advised parents to focus on their child’s experience rather than dispute their choice of terms. One response might be to ask whether a situation feels lonely, she suggested.

Garfinkle-Crowell said parents should not be afraid to consult a mental health professional if their child describes symptoms of a condition such as an anxiety disorder or depression. The NHS advises parents concerned about a child’s mental or physical health to consider speaking to a GP.