Psychologists suggest low-pressure contact as children leave for university

A father who felt overwhelmed by pride and grief after taking his son to university has described the transition as a “brutal adjustment”, as psychologists offer advice on staying close without constant monitoring. [1]

The father, identified by BBC News as Luke — not his real name — said university parent groups had initially helped with practical information. After his son’s departure, however, he felt they were feeding his anxiety and increasing his temptation to check his son’s location through an app to see whether he was going out and making friends. [1]

Psychologist Charlotte Armitage told the BBC that repeated checking, tracking or intervention may briefly reassure parents while unintentionally signalling that they do not trust the young adult to cope. [1]

She said parent groups can be useful, but cautioned against using them to share students’ private difficulties, track their movements or ask questions they could ask themselves. Her advice has an important exception: parents should act where there is a credible safeguarding concern, a significant change in behaviour or a known risk to their child’s wellbeing. [1]

Staying connected without demanding a reply

Child psychologist Laverne Antrobus suggested sending a letter or parcel without expecting a response, allowing parents to express care without making a demand. She also advised negotiating a time to check in and being prepared for conversations that are sometimes short. [1]

Less frequent contact need not mean something is wrong, suggested Rayyah Uddin, 20, a third-year student at the University of Nottingham. Students might simply be enjoying themselves and becoming absorbed in university life, she told the BBC. She also said parent group chats can create worries that were not there before. [1]

For Nichola McClellan, who has seen three children leave for university, staying connected means sending low-pressure messages to the family WhatsApp group rather than expecting constant contact. The family has a fuller catch-up roughly once a week. [1]